The keys to a successful marriage are numerous. When your marriage is going on well, it reflects in every part of your life, but when it is not running smoothly, it drains you rather quickly.
We all know that marriage is not a bed of roses, but as a woman, when you keep certain emotions and behaviours in check, you will find your way to a long lasting relationship with your spouse.
One of the main sustaining elements of a marriage is peace and happiness which most couple lacks due to various reasons. But both husband and wives should always strive to make their marriages better.
Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes but the ability to learn from it and avoid repeating the same thing makes us stand out among the crowd. Some women lack this attribute.
To help women shed some of these negative attributes, NAIJ.com’s Esther Odili has came up with a list of seven things women do unknowingly that can destroy their homes.
1. Not being appreciativeThere is nothing the man does that satisfies her. Also, she shows no sincere appreciation and respect to her husband because she does not want to cope with what the man is offering her.
For some women, when their friend’s husband buys a car for his wife, they want their husband to do the same for them. When their neighbour changes the roof, they want their husband to do the same; knowing fully well that their statuses differ, as well as their income. Lack of appreciation is often one of the major causes of resentment in a marriages.
As a wife, if you fail to appreciate your husband who is doing something special to make you happy, and works really hard to put a smile on your face, it will make him feel less of himself and this might ruin your marriage if you are not careful. Therefore, it is advisable to acknowledge the efforts of your partner and let him know you notice them. “Thank you”, a hug or a kiss can go a long way.
2. Unrealistic expectationsWhen a woman’s expectation of the achievement of the husband is not met, it becomes a problem in a home. Expecting your partner to do things that are not in his capacity leaves him under intense pressure. Some women marry a man for a particular reason and to fulfill a purpose, but when things are not working the way they expected, they begin to criticize him instead of showing some understanding.
Some women could be so demanding and unreasonable with their wants that they tend to forget that when you push someone to give more than what they, you are pushing them away.
3. Neglecting himSo many couples get divorced these days because they refuse to care and love each other or put the other person first.When you place your children, family, talents, best friends and career ahead of your husband, you are sending a clear message that he is unimportant and this can destroy your marriage.
As a woman, you need to be aware of how important it is to connect with your spouse on a daily basis. Unless you want to be disconnected from your man, spending 20 minutes of your time with him is not too much. Note that while it is okay to maintain your relationship with your own family and friends even after marriage, it is more important to prioritise your husband and immediate family.
4. Complain about everythingSome women constantly complain about not having enough to fulfill their selfish desires just as some find faults with everything. If this is not checked, you are just telling your partner that he is not good enough for you or that you are not happy being with him. Some women go as far as doing this in the presence of family and friends and even take pride in doing it.
The sooner you accept that your partner is human, the better for your marriage. There is the possibility of complaining once in a while, but it should not become a lifestyle.
5. Denying him of sexMen crave and need physical affection with their wives, but when you continue to deny him this, it becomes a big problem and pushes him out of the home. Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse or punish him. It should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to each other. It is a great thing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you and you alone.
Even if you are not in the mood, it’s worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding. Just as you want your man to take time out and do something special for you, you should do the same. Take out time to be with your partner and give it top priority if you love to keep your marriage intact.
6. DisrespectWhen a woman does not respect her husband as the head of the family, and goes as far as making it obvious to his/her family, friends or relatives, it conveys a message that the man has no say over her. Sometimes, your attitude towards your spouse might throw him further away from helping out in dealing with certain issues in the marriage. Being passive or aggressive is not the way to deal with your man.
7. JealousyCalling him up every single hour, forcing him to cancel plans or meetings with his friends and trying to keep him hooked to you might actually make him run away from home because men love to have their space and freedom. When you get jealous unnecessarily, men feel uncomfortable with you. And unknowing to men, a woman who is doing all this is truly in love with her spouse and does not want him to have issues that will have adverse effects.
It is okay to be jealous but don’t overdo it as a wife, as most men want their women to respect their personal space and social group.
Examining yourself is a great way to look deeper into your marriage; to determine your husband’s individual needs. Whether or not your marriage is in trouble, when you both fulfill each other’s needs, the marriage is restored and union becomes stronger.
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